Everything You Need To Know About Newspapers

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1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The Northwest Florida Daily News is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

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Just Manny Being Manny


Manny Ramirez, still serving his 50-game suspension for using banned substances, paid a visit to his teammates in the LA Dodgers clubhouse the other day, in violation of MLB policy, and had a typical Manny comment:

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it," Ramirez said. "I'm just going to come and play the game."

Boston fans, in the Comments section of the Boston Globe, of course had some pointed reactions to this:

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody"
The man child puts it all into perspective for us. Manny, we are fools to judge you..... you moron.
Posted by jdub June 10, 09 06:37 PM

I wonder how much the LA fans like the whole "Manny being Manny" show now. Total "We told you so!" moment.
Like my ex-Wife....we had some good times, I have some great memories...but she's someone else's problem now.
Posted by Chris June 10, 09 07:13 PM

There's gotta be a couple of unsolved murders and rapes in L.A....since you brought it up Manny...where were you?
Posted by Artiepus June 10, 09 07:41 PM

Defense lawyers everywhere should take note of that for their clients:
"Your honor, I stand here accused of stealing a car so I could sell drugs. But yo, check it out. I didn't rape nobody. I didn't kill nobody. So that's it."
Posted by JimR June 10, 09 08:03 PM